being revolutionary in recovery…in detoxing off meds, living with chronic pain or getting sober…maybe just dealing in day to day life.

today i want to bring up one of my pet concepts. being revolutionary…in how we live. the definition of revolutionary that i’m referring to (so we’re on the same page/screen here) is defined, in Merriam-Websters as: “c: constituting or bringing about a major or fundamental change”.

yes, all the tools for better living that i may refer to, no matter how long they’ve been around, are and can be revolutionary.

it’s in the doing.

are you living a revolutionary life? no, you don’t have to protest, carrying pickets and saving the forests or other such activities. i’m referring to being revolutionary in the way you live….what you do. doesn’t that word just conjur up strength, hope and empowerment! we want to revolt against the things in our life that can be holding us back. we want to say “no more! get out of my way, i want to live my life!”… and just saying that, by the way, can do a world of good for your soul.

 when dealing (and i am dealing…believe me) with detoxing off meds, alcohol or other substances…living with bipolar, depression, fibromyalgia, chronic pain or withdrawal symptoms…finding our way to recovery can seem difficult if not hopeless and nearly impossible some days. the constant stress and tension caused by gnawing withdrawal or side effect symptoms…pain, tremors, brain fog, brain zaps, confusion, nausea, etc can make it hard for us to even think of, let alone do the things we need to do on a daily basis, to keep ourselves pointed in the right direction.

i know many of you have an extensive backgrounds in health and therapy issues either via life experience, profession or studies, and i don’t have anything really new or cutting edge to add. but the old standbys that may have been part of our daily routine in the past which now seem hard to draw upon or even think about doing, can be revolutionary!

what many of us are going through may be in an effort to get back to our old selves…not gonna happen…we’re working toward new selves. that’s revolutionary! the hardships we’ve endured, probably for decades now, have changed us and we can draw upon what we’ve learned to be better, stronger new versions of ourselves. that stuff is a part of us, for better or worse. deciding how we’re going to direct our life’s experience…well it can be your greatest liability or your greatest asset. choosing the later is revolting against the “dark evil forces” that would hold you captive in a life you’re trying to better. yes, you will never be your old self…can’t be…but you can be you…just fortified with wisdom and experience and wonderful tools for living. you will be able to use your “experience strength and hope” to help others revolt!

maybe you are new to this realm of seeking wellness and wholeness. but i promise, even the simplest things, the oldies can still be revolutionary in applying them. revolt against what’s holding you back and be revolutionary in applying the oldies but goodies…laughing, walking, lists, journaling, prayer and meditation, self-affirmation, yoga.

i think i’m fortunate in that i have my AA meetings that i attend and sponsees to work with. working with others, i hear what i’m saying and it reminds me…”oh, laughter….prayer and meditation…making a list and doing small, routine things that validate me, etc.” yes, i’m fortunate to have those constant reminders come at me often. but some days even i’m too low to hear what i’m saying or take my own advice. but hey, this is life and death stuff we’re working with, and even really small, simple things can matter when it comes to hanging in there one more day…today. it’s nice to know that today or even just this moment is all i really need to deal with.

this is an important tool to use:

did you know you can start your day over at any moment…basically hit reset in your brain and go? really, it’s not exotic or cutting edge or new, but i will say, it is revolutionary in the doing. probably in the past if a day started veering off in a bad direction we followed it to it’s end…which no doubt was not so good….insomnia, fighting with spouses, yelling at the children, drinking or taking extra meds to relax, another day lost to emotions. did we know that the moment we saw our day going awry…that at that moment there was really a fork in the road and we have always had the choice of which way we were going to go? being aware and periodically taking moments to scan your mind for where you’re at, at this moment, is an important and invaluable tool. we can’t be carried off by our emotions and symptoms, and oh…it’s easy, comfortable and familiar, but they only want to lead us to a not so good place. no, stop for a moment and revolt! breath and assess what’s going on. “do i need to step back and make an apology? do i need to get up and do something…call someone? turn off the tv and listen to some relaxing music…do i need to eat something healthy. should i get out of this house and walk or do some stretching and yoga”…what ever…just set outside on the front porch with your dogs and take in the day…but take some action even if it is very small. a day gone awry is not a good wave to ride! there is a dangerous cliff at the end of this path!

yes, revolt and begin to take back your life!

so, from time to time, stop…evaluate…revolt! even on a day that may require you to be home bound, you can be creative and find what it is you need to do to love yourself and stay on that positive path leading to the new you. 

now for the entainment portion of this blog:

 the string to embed this video wouldn’t work so i thought i’d just post this link. if you are a dog or animal lover…this will make you laugh! if you just need to stop and laugh…try this one out! http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1093806 since i wrote about laughing and how much it helps our mental and physical health i wanted to share this. having dogs myself i see them make up some pretty funny games to play with themselves…albeit not as creative as this dog!be a revolutionary in your own life today….peace out and hang in there!

here’s a link about restarting your day:  http://www.beliefnet.com/gallery/sevenwaystorestartyourday.html?pgIndex=0

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more…detoxing off my meds and dealing with fibromyalgia

     well, it’s been over six weeks of detoxing and i’m in the week of being at .75mg of klonopin and dealing with the return of fibromyalgia. i have to say, and it’s not the thing you want to say too loudly but, that for the last three days i have felt so great…this may be my pink cloud and i’ve read many accounts and received wise warnings about how tough it can become when one gets down to about the .75mg phase of detox.  a .25 reduction at 2 or 3 mg is a smaller  percentage than .25 at .75mg! even though this stands to reason….my hard head…i don’t think i would have looked at it in those regards. so reading other’s blogs and getting feedback in this online community has been extreeeeeemly valuable!

     a note if you are a newcommer…like me:

       if you’ve just started detoxing and tis happens to be one of the first blogs you’ve read, check a few of my links like “bipolar blast” or “furious season” to name just two…they are great sources of information, a lot of experience and they have many good links. i’m a newby to detoxing off meds, so i don’t have quite as rich a background and inventory of information on detoxing as these other bloggers do. and….as we are different, we all have different bodies that require, sometimes, other approaches when dealing with detoxing off our meds. that’s where reading as many blogs as you can find, is helpful. there are also good online support groups that people can suggest based upon their experience.  i was conneted with a good benzo support group.

     as for my progress. i met with a new therapist the other day and she was great. i think we’ll get along fantastically! she had an o’keefe and steiglitz poster on her wall from an exhibit she’d been to…she weaves baskets, does various types of art, mingles with the art community around here and has…..8 dogs. it’s a match made in heaven. so, my last therapist (who decided not to commute down to this area anymore) is a great match maker…i should add her link on here since i think she has a great philosophy.

      i started physical therapy yesterday. on top of having fibromyalgia, my last few years of severe depression (bipolar), being very sedentary and my great “research project” in alcoholic relapse (which ended 18 months ago the 27th after joining AA sept. 27, ’97…yes i’ve been around for a few 24 hours), have really damaged my body. i developed some atrocious habits that are going to be horribly painful to correct. just the evaluation yesterday had me shaking and sweating from the pain! but i have to follow through or i will be doubled over permanantly and that would really suck! so in this case it’s going to take a lot of pain and persistance to rid of my physical pain…

     but, on a happy note: yesterday a friend of mine and i took an hour long walk on the bike path in town. it was windy, but really a gorgeous spring day. it felt so good that if i had my old stamina we would have walked for another hour or two! but alas we had to get to our women’s AA mtg. after the meeting we ran errands and as a last resort for a certain product, we ventured into wally world. yes walmart came to our humble town and closed down all the other low cost stores like k-mart, aims etc. but, let’s not go there here! anyways…having spring fever we were joking and goofing like third graders and we got to a display of “tickle me elmos” (probably made in china)…i couldn’t resist…..i started poking the button on their bellies and my friend joined in and we set off over 20 elmos and ran giggling down one of the aisles. our philosophy is if we have to be labaled alcoholic and crazy then we’re going to enjoy some of the benefits that come with the labels….we laughed for the longest time and over and over again each time one of us mentioned “elmo” as we drove away!

      so yesterday was a good day….95 hits to the site and 20 elmos!

      one must laugh and laugh a lot to offset some of the pain in life. heck, we weren’t put on this earth to suffer! so painful as it can be at times, it is so important to muster the ability to have a good, deep belly laugh every day! it releases those happy endorphines….what an awesome, natural high and painkiller that does nothing but good for you!

    so, today…..remember to laugh!

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getting off meds and dealing fibromyalgia…falling back in love with me and my life after and going into recovery from substance abuse only to find ourselves obediently drugging per doctors orders

falling back in love with me and my life is an adventure i’m looking forward to…

     well i’ll be saying “dealing with pain” for a bit because inspite of my attitude it’s there underlying so much, all the time. having a fibro flair as a result of comming off my meds or what ever the phenomenon is that’s causing the flair.  much as i want to, i will not take pain meds and my doc won’t prescribe them to me…they all know that.  i can admit i’m stressed in many dimensions…i’ve been on my psych meds for over 10 years and it’s going to stress out my body to loose the drugs that have been numbing me out nearly as good as my drinking ever did! i had always been adamantly against the use of psych drugs. god, how did i think i was really getting better? that’s the big lie.

( i read this on someone’s blogg recently, forgive me for not crediting you, but people are crushing seroquel and snorting it…”quel” as it’s called in the prison system has a street value! i could score some good cash right now! if they only knew…well they do…most of us drunks and junkies are fairly savvy about our drug of choice, but chasing the drunk or high is more important…sad.)

     sad that so many of us go into recovery from substance abuse only to find ourselves obediently drugging per doctors orders and really almost living a life of a junkie…i’m not exagerating. i put more freakin energy into acquiring and managing my medication than i ever put into my drinking! now, “unprotected”, all my nerves are screaming “overload”! we’re there again…detox. but, if i keep telling my nerves that this new stimulus is normal and healthy, they’ll learn to deal with day to day stimulus with out perceiving each little thing as uncomfortable or painful. this is a path i know well. and no i don’t literally talk to my nerves…you know what i mean.

     every type of rehab comes with its own hurdles and obsticles. i know from my past, that i can deal with all of it as being a minor price to pay for my physical and emotional freedom. i have my sobriety and even my present mindset, that i can refer to as proof that recovery from anything is possible. it may never be perfect or complete, but as it’s said, “it’s progress not perfection”. i think taking loving care of my self and my spiritual self is always key. and, as gianna reminded me (translated into recovery speak), “easy does it” applies here!

     i am impatient and i’ll try to move quickly on anything…including the titration of my meds. but just…yesterday i had a glimpse through the fog i’ve been in for ten years. (i’m hoping it was a glimpse and not a tad of mania creeping in) i don’t know how to describe it, but sitting on my porch yesterday i was suddenly aware of the sounds, how things looked and how i felt. it was just so….”real”. i just want to break free and recklessy, with out a care, run into that “reality”! the drugs had been softening and muting everything and now my farm looked…well…like it looked when i moved out here. for the last several years i’ve been feeling everything was dying out here…and quite a bit was…but no wonder i was starting to loath my poor little farm and all that comes with this lifestyle. this is as good as it gets…it may recquire a lot of extra work, but this kind of work never killed anyone and in fact, it makes you live longer and healthier.

      falling back in love with me and my life is an adventure i’m looking forward to. i know the joy and inspiration i can draw from all that is wonderful around me. inspite of a terrible, horrible run of events in the past few years, i can still look up and say i have the best of all that i need. sure i can go into my “want” mode and create disatisfaction and bemoan everything, but i don’t need to go there…today.

      i have been fortunate to find the other people blogging on this topic and find a sense of community and valuable information. this…here…online…it’s what is getting me through a very difficult transition. winter is an isolating time on the farm out here and i don’t have friends around here who are dealing with the same issues….they can’t wrap their minds around what i’m trying to do and well, i won’t ask them to. they’re dealing with their own issues and…well…certain things we work on together, apply across the board. even working with my sponsee this morning…when i hear certain things come out of my mouth (and hers)…it reinforces what i’ve learned over the years. i have to practice what i preach, so working with others also gives me a kick in butt that i need.

      my world is only as good as i make it, so today i choose to look at all that is good and right around me…i’ll be grateful and smile. i’ll put off the whining for another day…a day that can take its time comming around.

     whining is one thing i can procrastinate.

    thank you for being out here with me…it matters.

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