Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for April 28th, 2008

well, i do have a bit of a bee in my bonnet. it’s about the accelerated taper schedule i needed to follow. i don’t harp about my life’s circumstances…the one thing that can drag me down faster than my illness, because it won’t help things and it’s not the topic i’m working with. but i’m sensing some bristling of hair regarding faster tapers. i fairly, thouroughly understand the multifasceted need for doing a slow, supervised taper. many people make sacrifices in order to manage their health. but when you have nothing  left to sacrifice…well, i think there is a great lack of empathy for the circumstances of some people needing to get off meds. this may be a hard concept to wrap your head around, but protracted withdrawal is a luxury  people take for granted. i’m sure you can throw a list of how you have been able to do lengthy tapers with limited resources…but do you live in rural appalachia? my county (s.e. ohio, west virginia) and the neighboring ones, make national news for joblessness, hunger and poverty all the time. my mother sends me the articles from the chicago tribune! we do have an extraordinary situation here. being poor in or near a large city is very different than being poor and living hours from a major city and living in a region not known for being “progressive”…we are not a hot spot or major destination for research and development. yes we have pockets of that if you’re looking at obesity, diabetes, COPD, etc…poverty isa major contributor to those things. it is easy to condemn what you don’t know…believe me, there are a lot of unknowns. being poor and new on the learning scale does not make one the enemy…we just need accommodations…so many of us give up the good fight because of the stigma. but if you’re diagnosed mentally ill and you’re dealing with income issues maybe you can begin to have some insight into what “stigma” means?

i avoid this topic because going there…i can find myself feeling irritated….i’ve been butting up against it for too many years now. (i’m fortunate it hasn’t been my whole life. it may be harder because, for most of my life i was reasonably successful and i have a hard time understanding why i can’t pull myself up. but i’m understanding how people can “get stuck”. i just don’t want to stay stuck. i believe i can get out of this. but judgement and stigma can put more weight on you than almost anything…if you let it. i won’t so that’s why i’m writing instead of feeling hurt, defeated and just walking off. i don’t have a lot of love and support around me…except for AA where i let people in. i have no available, supporting, family or a spouse. my love and support has to come from with in and from god.

in an area where just day to day survival is a massive struggle…mental illness and surrounding issues are a luxury. that may be hard to swallow…but if one can’t understand that, then you are probably blissfully ignorant or naive! (check out mental illness in developing nations! my friend just came back from a 2 month visit with her family in kenya, after being in the US for over a decade. she was given diagnosis here but…that’s still another issue worthy of inspection so you don’t take for granted what you have here.) i am back in survival mode. i am not considered quite “poverty” and don’t have medicaid. i have medicare, but don’t have enough of an income to afford uninsured care (and most insured care). i can’t work right now, and often can barely manage a shower and making it to an AA meeting. thank god for AA because it’s free, but i have to be able to make the 25-30 minute drive to and from! but i don’t have a husband, family or really friends that support and understand withdrawal and fibromyalgia  issues. my friends and community are good people but this is not their gig. this is a rough spot to be in! i would have never understood it myself, if i hadn’t found myself in this position. living here over 11 years and i was ignorant and naive to this. being caught in the middle of the socioeconomic stratas is just that, caught. i’m not using the words ignorant or naive to be cruel or condescending…they are by definition, the appropriate words.

at least i can find some information that is helpful, but i have to be able to do it or it’s just “information”. i always thought that where there is a will there is a way.  but “way” requires money and access. and hey no money no access! even supplements are ungodly expensive. in the past i could afford them. so necessity is driving my schedule and my life now. some of us are…no all of us are doing our own personal best. and we all have our own personal necessities…i like to call it personal velocity.

this is largely uncharted area that we are going into. little is still really known, and much research is showing up about both withdrawal and fibromyalgia. we know more now, but we are still learning! each of us are pioneers in trying to deal with these health issues. i think we have to be supportive to everyone’s approach. there are many strong feelings and there will be in these fronts. but if we let our emotions and opinions divide us (even a very informed opinion is still…an opinion)  rather than showing support for the entire community we will greatly weaken our efforts to move forward. i have been fortunate to have been in AA for over 10 years. i have a lot of experience with diverse populations finding many paths to a common goal. it is the common goal that holds us alcoholics together, not our means. yes, we all practice the 12 steps, but even each take on the 12 steps can vary. if we scrawbled about the details, the AA support circle would shatter.

the common goal we in the “off meds” community share, is living drug free (or with minimal medication). we will get there if we maintain that focus. everyone has something valuable to contribute…for now we really only have each other. with love and room for growth…more people will join the ranks of being able to actively contribute and support others.

contempt prior to investigation…not cool. don’t pass uninformed judgement on the choices others have to make in their healthcare. we are not equally provided for or have equal access in that arena…not even in, god-bless-america. not even with information. we can not demand it becuase we have to do for ourselves…that recquires creativity and weighing options…assuming you’re fortunate enough to have them. PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE EQUAL ACCESS TO HEALTHCARE IN AMERICA…please understand this becuase it’s real and its now and it hurts.

big pharma would love to devide and concour us, but why bother if we do that to ourselves.

Advertisements

Read Full Post »