Archive for April 2nd, 2008

while paxil is not a drug i have taken, the right to speak up about these drugs is a matter that concerns me! (one drug i did just detox off of gsk lamictal) ok, so the use of their logo may be an issue, but the story this video conveys…GSK hid suicidality issues and bob, a patient and blogger, responded with a thoughtfully made video, but GSK threatened legal action.

i am posting this to show my solidarity for bob. if you want to post it on your blog it can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odAcIY6I_do

this is bob fiddaman’s site: http://fiddaman.blogspot.com/2008/03/gsk-lawyers-target-seroxat-campaigner.html

 i have received comments that have links to go to, to support bob fiddaman:

on April 3, 2008 at 1:20 pm2 Fiddysupport

  • Suggest post another post with the updated links to this here: http://scientific-misconduct.blogspot.com/2008/04/has-glaxosmithkline-bitten-off-more.html
     on April 3, 2008 at 1:47 pm3 Matthew Holford
  • Hey, There’s a movement afoot to circulate the video as widely as possible:http://scientific-misconduct.blogspot.com/2008/04/its-groundhog-day-for-bullying-by.htmlif you feel inclined, it’d be great if you could link in the rest of the (known) blogs that carry the story – I’m guessing that you’ve got a different readership to the rest of us!Matt
  • Bloggers discussing the intimidation of a patient, Bob Fiddaman, by GlaxoSmithKline
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    i’m holding my own at .62mg klonopin…i’m not bad today but my mind is a little muzzy today so my writing might be muzzy too…but i’ve made a commitment to try to write something positive every day, so…ok…so…spirituality…this is one of those topics that can be “iffy” to broach. i’ll come clean and let you know where i’m coming from but there’s more so please don’t stop with that part. it is not my aim to convert you, convince you…

    maybe it’s me that needs some convincing today.

    i just want to share something that’s important to me and well maybe it’s important to you, so take what you want and leave the rest. insert your own words in places if that makes it more comfortable for you. i believe in spirituality and not religiosity.

    i never believed in god or anything like that. go to church? no way. i was convinced i would burn if i walked into such a place. when i was in 5th grade my life was so sad, scary and hopeless that, after a horribly painful experience at my church (that could only be topped by the finale of the movie “carrie”), i walked into the kiddies’ chapel, knelt at the alter and told god i was firing him. yup….i fired god. i was about 11 at the time and went through my life fighting with my entire family over celebrating christmas and everything religious. i was an adamant atheist until i was about 34. yeah, i spent time studying budhism, being a white whitch, satinism, tarot, taking in anything that the new age movement had to offer and chasing a healthy lifestyle with several pitchers of beer, maybe cocaine and cigarettes every night!

    i value and use everything i learned over the years and incorporate it into my spiritual life still. but here’s where i found myself in the mid-’90s. my drinking had become so bad and i was so angry all the time at everything. i blew the whistle on some illegal activities at the university and eventually found myself in something too big for me and just way over my head. but i was in it. i had to deal with it and hold in there during the investigation (1 yr).  it got fricken ugly! i had a best friend of several years by then with whom i discussed everything but i didn’t know anything about their spirituality etc. in all those years they never mentioned it. one day they told me about a church that they went to and how cool the pastor was. i thought “what ever, anything is worth a try right now”. i went and in short…i found god. i met some really great people and found “community” which is something a drunk and mentally ill person like me would always shy away from.  but i made a decision in that time to quit drinking. what ever was going on was helping. they even helped me find the psychologist and psychiatrist that got me on a decent path. i eventually was introduced, by the same friend, to alcoholics anonymous…i started attending a few meetings, but i was slow to catch on…this was another group thing and i hate groups (still do). but i warmed up to that bunch of crazy drunks! (they’re my family now) my life really did make some tremendous changes in those years. i got happy, really happy…like giddy. “my whole outlook and attitude on life changed…” (the promises from AA) now my church was just a methodist church…nothing radical except in how they cared and loved me. so i had a great package i was working with and it changed me.

    they got me through the first year of the investigation at the university and in the end the guy who was the subject of the investigation, was found guilty. my life had been a living hell and once it was over, i had a psychotic break. but, with the help of the people at my church and AA i crawled back to hold on to my job for another year. a brief aside: i was the first woman to hold that position at the university. everyone before me, men, had only stayed an average of 18 months and i made it to four years. at the end of the fourth year, one day in particular, i sat up and decided it wasn’t worth my sanity to struggle so hard to exist in that environment. i packed up some boxes and walked out…no plans, no savings and no job to go to. a farm that went into foreclosure and i just lost my mind. i had been trying so hard to hold it together for my job that when i left that environment a spring just sprung! but something held on to me. now you can interpret that any way that suits you…for me, i say that “god was doing for me what i could not do for myself”.

    i decided i needed to find what ever my next move was going to be. funny, i decided to go to seminary. my pastor took me infront of the board of methodist leaders in our community and they said they would back my decision to go to seminary. with their blessing i moved forward, enrolled in a marvelous  weslyan seminary(that was very conservative but an awesome school) in kentucky and began preordination. but after a short time i found i didn’t want to move from my farm to complete my studies there. i decided that if the university would accept me into their graduate counseling program, i would stay and do that instead…that’s what i did. i also came to feel that with the population i worked with…a secular counselor my be able to reach more people.

    in time a distance developed between me an my church. i stopped believing in going to church and well that’s another long story that i’m passionate about. i don’t believe in organized religion but i’m still very much a christian. i don’t believe going to church defines you as a christian…how you live your life does. how you life your life is evidence of what ever beliefs you have. it’s in the doing. anyways…here i am, over 11 years later and i’m still involved in AA and i’m still a jesus freak…but i won’t have anything to do with organized religion. i love to draw upon budhism and native america beliefs and others. i love sharing and hearing other’s stories of how their spirituality works in their life.

    i believe that we are all working towards a common goal…the brand of a person’s spirituality does not matter…only that i hopepeople have some plan for life….some set of principles that they live by and hopefully a belief in something outside of themselves. but, where ever a person is on the very broad spectrum of beliefs is awesome….i can meet a person where ever they are at and i don’t feel strongly that anyone has to have the same belief set that i have, for us to work well together. this is all very personal and individual and i do not “make” a person based on their beliefs, but rather how they live their lives and treat others.  i have certainly had the opportunity to make many observations of the various paths people choose…but anything i’ve observed, again, i keep to myself. i should not judge. i just want for people to find a happiness like i found…how they do it…each person has their own path to follow.

     again, so, in discussing spirituality, i have a very open mind as i hope you will have too. i may use certain words or phrases that aren’t what you would choose…just insert yours in place of mine. i’m not going to say that you have to find christ to be saved….or any of that…that is not how my faith works. when i write or speak…if god’s not your gig…just replace my word with yours.

    yesterday i found a note card (i wrote on note cards and stuck them up around my house all the time in the early years). on this card was something that gave me a nudge. it is from a christian source but if you’re not of that faith, i hope you can still hear a good msg. in it.

    “but doubt is as crucial to faith as darkness is to light. with out one the other has no context and is meaningless. faith is, by definition, uncertainty. it is full of doubt, steeped in risk. it is about matters not of the known but of the unknown.”                                                                                   — carter haywood, “a priest forever”

    now, i would always love to hear other’s phrases, sayings, meditations…it all enriches my life. not just my brand of faith but everyone i know, their brands too have carried me through the roughest times. i can not count on myself at times, i can not count on my family, community, neighbors, government, doctors…all the time. and in those times when everything is just not available to me i have to have something to hold on to or i’d fall down. i have been far from perfect, but faith does not require perfection from us.

    spirituality is kind of an abstract thing, so to bring it to a more concrete place where you don’t have to take that leap there are a few simple exercises that work ’bout as well as prayer and meditation. and if you don’t have or don’t want a higher power this is a good place to start…these things have helped many people. they help me. and i have a sponsee who’s doing one of these exercises as i write….she just called and after putting off doing this for over a year, she’s really finding benefit and taking the power out of some overwhelming thoughts and memories.

    i kind of like the idea….for me…that when i sleep at night i can say “here are my problems of the day…i turn them over to you so that while i sleep you can work on them and me.” it seems when i can stop pushing and wrestling with ife and others…go with the flow in a way…when i can take many of my concerns and place them somewhere else, (because i can’t do anything about most of them anyways) it lightens my load so that i can deal with just exactly what’s in front of me at this time. when i work through things one at i time i can manage. but if i have all of my worries and concerns running around in my head i just get over burdened and overwhelmed. i get what we call “analysis paralysis”, i stay stuck. fatigue, anxiety, depression, anger can overwhelm me. when i’m feeling “stuck”…well i’m usually trying to manage more than i can. so…

    i find list making as a good tool to throw in about here. so if you’re not into a “higher power” and all, you can achieve a similar relief by taking all of your concerns for the moment and putting them out of your head and onto a piece of paper…maybe make a checklist…but then just pick one at a time and work your way through. some of them will take care of themselves as you’re working on the one in front of you…really, i’ve seen that happen often,  i have some friends that make a box they may place atop their fridge…they and their family members….if they have an overwhelming fear or concern…write it down and put it in the box. at the end of a given amount of time…usually a year…they go back through that box and read over all they wrote and see what’s become of their worries. but that time, when they read what they’ve written…most of it went by the by and mostly nothing ever came of their worries! by simply writing them down it took it out of their mind and put it somewhere else…similar to making a list. it takes some of the power from that concern…it lets you take action on something that is likely out of your control anyways and gives you, even if small, a sense of accomplishment or control. now these are concrete activities that, spiritual or not, begin to illustrate the power of “turning it over”. you can give your concerns, worries and even “prayers” to a box a list and, if you choose, your higher power.

    in AA our first encounter with this exercise is in our 4th step inventory, but we continue to take daily inventories and do what we must to keep our side of the street clean and turn things over. but you needn’t be in AA to use these exercises….they can help anyone dealing with any kind of issue…even just plain old “normal” daily life.

    so, maybe try making a “worry box” or a list of sorts…don’t check them twice…at least not right away. maybe share what you’ve written with someone you trust and see if it doesn’t take the wind out of the sails of your worries and concerns.

    when you go to bed tonight, do something to put all your crazy-making thoughts elsewhere while you sleep. don’t worry, they’ll probably be there tomorrow, but if they’re not….cool! in their place, fill your mind with a great thing to focus on like a sunny beach or open field…i have a big rock in a pond surrounded by wonderful smelling pines up in the ansel adams wilderness that i go to. the pains and worries of today are not allowed to come with.

    take care.

    peace out!

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    another article on “humor therapy” from webmd:

    Humor Therapy – Topic Overview

    What is humor therapy?

    Humor therapy (sometimes called therapeutic humor) uses the power of smiles and laughter to aid healing. Humor therapy helps you find ways to make yourself (or others) smile and laugh more. When you think of humor therapy, picture clowns in the children’s ward of a hospital cheering up sick children. Some hospitals now have humor carts that provide funny materials for people of any age. Many nurses have learned the value of providing a good laugh to those they care for.

    read on: http://www.webmd.com/balance/tc/humor-therapy-topic-overview?ecd=wnl_day_040108

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