drunkorexia…watch that definition! i drank so i could starve a little easier!
March 8, 2008 by missisyphus
ok, this topic is a bit astray from what i’ve been discussing…but it’s a topic all too near and dear to my heart!
i deny this all the time…but, i have anorexia. i developed it when i was 16. at 5′ 6″, i pretty consistently weigh in the teens or less (right now, i’m chunky at 125 since i’m detoxing off the meds!). well this “drunkorexia” i heard about on the news this morning (and then looked up on the internet)…boy i think they have the whole definition screwed up. as i heard it: “drunkorexia is The practice of replacing meals with booze. It’s like the SlimFast diet, but FUN!”
FUN? simply replacing meals with booze…? the drinking and food restriction relationship goes back a little further and a little deeper. it is not just an issue of replacing…there is much more to it. as both an alcoholic and an anorexic and person who’s been in recovery for over ten years now (not perfectly, but consistently) i can tell you how this “drunkorexia” fits into my story. first i was exposed to alcohol, but it was difficult to get. about the same time, i began to feel various pressures to be thin and discovered the wonders of controlling my food intake: anorexia. i got that rush and satisfaction and sense of control when i could “just say no” to food! that feeling of starvation became more like an adrenaline rush for me (still can be).but getting to the “drunkorexia”…after junior year in high school i found ways to get all the alcohol i wanted. i wanted a lot! i soon found that alcohol killed the craving for food. for me i didn’t skip eating so i could use those calories on alcohol. i used alcohol to help kill my appetite and get yet another rush, aside from the one that came from my hunger pangs. honestly…it was so much easier to drink than to starve! go figure!!! while this simplifies my alcoholism…i won’t go into my “lead”…i drank for other reasons too.but the point for me is that the eating disorder progressed into a drinking disorder. it was no “slim fast” diet plan….saving calories so i could drink. i drank so i could starve a little easier!while i don’t drink anymore, after i had my daughter i never really viewed my extreme weight fluxuations as being an eating disorder. i was off and running with my drinking and actually…eating would kill a good buzz. better to drink on an empty stomach. quite simply: eating would kill my buzz!
prior to having my daughter, food restriction and weight loss were very definitely intentional. but what was intentional has now become sort of….intuition. when life gets really out of control i restrict food intake as a means of feeling some sense of control. i’m not usually conscious that i’m doing it until people and docs start saying something to me about my weight. but once that ball is rolling…i have to be honest…i want to keep it rolling! i usually attribute my being “petite”, to just being so busy that when i come home at night my toast is still in the toaster! ooops! and, well, that’s about 70% the truth. but i know a “normal” person would get hungry at some point during the day and hunt down something to eat…not me. i’m too picky about what i eat.
for now, as i detox off these meds i’m allowing myself to eat what ever i want. i don’t freak anymore because i drop weight faster than water goes over niagara falls! i hate getting an ounce of chub on myself but…well let’s get these drugs out of my system first. i have control over that…i think. ya know…for me…it’s all about control a lot of the time. and that’s funny, because i’m such a laid back, somewhat disorganized, “come what may” person. i don’t sweat much but….well, there’s my achilles’ tendon. control and food.
Posted in alcoholism, eating disorders | Tagged alcoholism, anorexia, bulemia, drunkorexia, eating disorders | 5 Comments
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This is a very interesting blog. I never knew about “drunkorexia.” I have heard about other eating disorders but I never thought that drinking would lead to one. Thank you for writing about this so it can be known by other people. I wrote a blog about other eating disorders if you would like to read it, as well.
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I am 24 years old and very bulimic. I would love to eat like a normal person but am terrified of gaining weight. I am not very thin either at 135lbs so its easy for me to hide. I drink very heavily, I’ve actually calculated my caloric intake at a little over a 1000 calories a day in liquor. So needless to say I have two problems, my question is if I replace my caloric intake with food rather than liquor (salving both problems) will I gain weight rapidly while my body is trying to repair itself? Also I’ve only had an eating dissorder for about a year, and It didn’t really spiral out of control until about 7 months ago, so this isn’t a real long term issue.
Thanks for any help if possible
while i dealt with an eating disorder and continue to wrestle with it from time to time…i can only share my personal experience with you. i am not a licensed professional, so i’m afraid that is all i can do.
i would have to suggest that if any behavior is disrupting your life and your health, you should seek out a professional counselor or family doctor to help you. many people with eating disorders have found good support in groups like “overeaters anonymous”. personally, i attend “alcoholics anonymous” and have found that to be a life changing experience that is much larger than simply not drinking.
but we each need to find our own way through these difficult times. here are the main pages for the two support groups i mentioned…you might be able to find a meeting you can go check out:
overeaters anonymous
http://www.oa.org/index.htm
alcoholics anonymous
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/?Media=PlayFlash
it’s good you are trying to address this issue in your life…the sooner you can get help the better.
you’ll be in my prayers.
I felt the need to respond to your blog. I just was on my way to Starbucks and for the first time on the radio heard of this disorder and thought wow! My life to a tee. I am currently still battling my eating every day and it still consumes my thoughts but my disorder damn near killed me. I think back as to my teen years and what a presence it was already there. I was an all star athlete who was a bit heavier and always strived to be the cheerleader type. Teeny tiny, and me not so much. I started heavily drinking at 17, and boy did the pounds start to drop. The whole caloric intake seemed to just be BS to me. I was losing weight, only to go up and down for years to come. This cycle semed to continue on and off for years. Well mine finally came to a head when my liver failed and was told 11/5/06 that I had only 12 hours to live. We all thought that it was just because of the tylenol PM I had injested but now looking back, I see it also being as of the resust of the underlying eating disorder I possess. The bulimia and anorexia over the years, I believe was just as damaging and as much to blame. I have since made a full recovery and am truly the miracle as all of my doctors refer to me. But I have this longing to share my experience and everything I have learned as well as help. I feel my life was spared for a reason, and if I could only be of help to one person, then it was all worth it.